


The map of a lover

by Comedia



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Alternate Ending, Consent, Fix-It, Gen, M/M, Psychological Trauma, kind of happy kind of angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-17
Updated: 2015-08-17
Packaged: 2018-04-15 03:26:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 697
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4591191
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Comedia/pseuds/Comedia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Bilbo has spent many years trailing his fingers across Thorin’s skin. Memorizing every inch, as if each wrinkle and strand of hair were vast rivers and mighty mountain ranges. He has observed how Thorin changes as time passes, all the while keeping his mental map of his lover up to date. Little notes next to every loving memory; what Thorin appreciates, and what he is not comfortable with."</p>
            </blockquote>





	The map of a lover

**Author's Note:**

> Working on like fifteen Hobbit-projects and had to write this to get some Bagginshield out of my system. Will there ever come a day when I don't hopelessly cry about them? No. Definitely not.

Bilbo’s life with Thorin has, in a sense, been centered around maps. Everything from their first encounter and the long nights they spent studying the path that would eventually lead them to Erebor, to the map Bilbo drew for Thorin to show him the way back to The Shire. They have been mapping their way across lands both foreign and homely, getting to know the world out there, as well as each other.

Bilbo has spent many years trailing his fingers across Thorin’s skin. Memorizing every inch, as if each wrinkle and strand of hair were vast rivers and mighty mountain ranges. He has observed how Thorin changes as time passes, all the while keeping his mental map of his lover up to date. Little notes next to every loving memory; what Thorin appreciates, and what he is not comfortable with.

Because the one thing that still separates them - after all this time - is the different lives they have lead. Of course, Bilbo’s life got quite foolhardy once he got involved with the dwarven company; he has seen more than most hobbits do in their lifetime. And yet, his journeys can only be described as adventurous - great trips along the roads of Middle Earth - while Thorin has walked a path riddled with death, often lost along endless roads that would offer him no shelter or hope. His lover has known a harsh life, and his body is an open book to the grim tales of his past.

The same way Bilbo will forever know the feeling of Thorin’s smile curving against his fingertips, he will also know each scar and calloused palm. Throughout the years he has learned the way from The Shire to Erebor by heart, and just as easily he knows what will make Thorin flinch with unease.

See, Bilbo’s lover rarely speaks of the past. There is always hesitation, as if the dwarven King does not wish to bring ills - even only in the form of memory - into a life of happiness and content. Sometimes he will tell the tale of how he ended up with a particular scar, but other times there is only silence. A flash of panic in his eyes, gritted teeth, but he does not make a sound. Tries not to move beneath Bilbo’s touch. His actions speaks louder than words, as his tense muscles reveal his uncomfort.

And so Bilbo fills out his mental map. As he traces Thorin’s body he takes many notes, learning from past mistakes and making sure that he knows what will make his lover feel comfortable. It is a struggle they both face, each of them bearing scars from a time when their world was a little less safe. But sometimes it is not the scars that carry memories of unease. Sometimes the sadness lies much deeper, beneath skin that has only ever been touched by age and cloth and the embrace of previous lovers.

Bilbo knows all of these areas, and he will never touch them unless he is asked to do so. Instead he will search for other places, where he is welcome and appreciated. He will bring Thorin to his garden, spending hours braiding his greying curls into intricate braids and intertwining weeds and flowers in his lover’s mane. He will bring Thorin a pipe with the finest Southern Star, only to kiss the bitter smoke from his lips. He will take his lover to bed after a long day’s work, massaging according to the trails he has drawn with his mind, unless Thorin instructs him otherwise.

And this map of Thorin, that Bilbo always carries within him, is neither a bother nor a burden. It is something born out of respect - and necessity - that he has crafted throughout many loving years. It is still incomplete, in fact, it always will be. Life is ever changing, and they are ever changing, but nothing could ever discourage him from continuing his efforts. Because every time he reaches out to touch his lover, his Thorin, and is only met by a smile so warm that his aging heart races within his chest, he knows that this puzzle, this eternal mapping, is worth it.

**Author's Note:**

> Sometimes I write short things on [tumblr](http://comediakaidanovsky.tumblr.com/) as well (but mostly I just cry about fictional characters).


End file.
